SHORT CHRISTIAN READINGS SELECTED FOR FORMER JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES
EDITOR: We post the following two essays simply to stimulate the thinking of persons particularly interested in these topics. We do NOT agree with everything expressed or implied below. We still believe "marriage" to be biblically sacred and deserving of high respect. Take from these two essays what you believe to be accurate and true, and helps you. Leave the rest. DO NOT take/use any faulty reasoning to justify and rationalize your own bad conduct and bad decisions.
God's View of Divorce
Author Unknown
(edited)
According to the prophet Malachi, "God's hates a divorcing," and according to Jesus Christ, fornication is the only exception allowed for divorce.
1. Is this a blanket ruling with no exceptions, and a "one size fits all" legal requirement that applies to each and every marriage with out considering each marriage's individual circumstances ? Or does God want "mercy, not sacrifice", which allows many of his laws to be broken, due to the individual circumstances ?
2. Could Jesus words, include spiritual fornication? For when the nation of Israel, broke their vow with their, "husbandly owner", God, and began to rely on Assyria, Egypt, Babylon and other nations for military, political and spiritual strength, God condemned them as spiritual fornicators, equaling their actions to physical fornication, calling the nation a "whore" and a "prostitute" "who kept lusting in the style of concubines belonging to those whose fleshly member is as the fleshly member of males asses and whose genital organ is as the genital organ of male horses." God himself, then divorced Israel and allowed Assyria to destroy the northern 10 tribe of Ephraim and later Babylon to destroy the southern two tribe of Judah.
In the past, according to the Bible, God has allowed polygamy and divorce. However it was not part of his plan -- as in the case of Adam and Eve where "the two shall become one flesh." But many of God's faithful servants, including Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob had more then one wife, including concubines. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, in violation of Deuteronomy 17:17. (1 Kings 11:1-3; Gen 2:22-24
Despite these actions, that God allowed to occur, the prophet Malachi wrote, "You people must guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and with the wife of your youth may no one deal treacherously. For God has hated a divorcing, the God of Israel says." Notice that the type of divorce God hated was not a case of mutual agreement between the two parties, but the type of divorce that dealt treacherously with the wife (or either spouse). (Malachi 2:15,16)
With the arrival of the Christ, Jesus clarified God's view on divorce. In his famous Sermon on the Mount, Jesus stated, "It was said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. (written in Deu 24:1) However, I say to you that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of fornication, makes her a subject for adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matt 5: 31-32)
When further asked why God permitted divorce in times past, Jesus answered, "Did you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife and the two will be one flesh? So that they are no longer two, but one flesh.' Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart."
The Pharisees then said to him: "Why, then did Moses prescribe giving a certificate of dismissal and divorcing her? Jesus then said, Moses, out of regard for your hardheartedness, made the concession to you of divorcing your wives, but such has not been the case from the beginning. I say to you that whoever divorces his wife except on the ground of fornication (physical and spiritual extramarital intercourse), and marries another, commits adultery."
So here it can be seen, the innocent mate is permitted, but not required, to divorce a mate who commits fornication. But is this limited to physical fornication (sex) only? What about spiritual fornication? (Matt 19:3-9)
Physical Fornication Verses Spiritual Fornication
The Nation of Israel
God's chosen people, the "offspring of Abraham", the nation of Israel, became a "holy nation of priests and kings" and a "wife" to God, making him the "husbandly owner" of them. A vow was made. The Israelites were to obey God's commandments, and in return, God was to bless them. They were not only to obey God's commandments, but to put faith and reliance in him. They were to look solely to him for all their needs and strengths. (Isaiah 54)
But rather then rely on their "head", "husbandly owner" and God for strength, the Israelites lacked faith and put reliance on other nations for political, economic, military and spiritual strength. Their forming alliances with Assyria, Syria, Egypt and Babylon broke their vow with their husbandly owner God.
How did God view this? As fornication. He continually described their actions as those of physical fornication, describing the nation of Israel as a "prostitute, hoar, who kept lusting in the style of concubines belonging to those whose fleshly member is as the fleshly member of males asses and whose genital organ is as the genital organ of male horses." God further states, "Their breasts were squeezed and there they pressed the bosoms of their virginity." He labeled the northern 10 tribes of Ephraim, with the city of Samaria, as a prostitute named "Oholah" and labeled the southern 2 tribes of Judah, with the city of Jerusalem, as a prostitute named "Oholibah." God described them as disgusting hoars and punished them. God himself then divorced his wife, the nation of Israel. He first sent the nation of Assyria to destroy the northern 10 tribes and later he sent the nation of Babylon to destroy the southern 2 tribes. (Ezekiel chapter 23)
The fact that God compared on equal terms the turning away from his headship and direction, the same as physical fornication, describing this in such detail, certainly has a principle. Spiritual fornication, the turning away from God's headship and direction and putting it elsewhere can be likened to physical fornication and allow the action of divorce to take place, as he himself did to his "wife", the nation of Israel.
A Christian's Spiritual Fornication
Just as the nation of Israel's spiritual fornication gave God the legitimate right to exercise divorce from her, so too does a spouse's spiritual fornication give the allowance for divorce.
As Apostle Paul states, "Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of this body." So a husband is only the "head" up to a point, in imitation of the Christ, who is head of the congregation and he must be "loving his wife as his own flesh, as the Christ loves the congregation." So a wife, is in relative, not absolute, subjection to her husband. He in turn, must treat his wife with love, in accordance with the teachings of Christ, otherwise his "prayers will be hindered." (Eph 5:21-33; 1 Pet 3:1-7)
With this in mind, it can be compared to God's headship and direction. When a wife refuses to submit to her husband's relative headship, providing he is in agreement with God's word, she commits spiritual fornication, by following her own ways or relying on other persons for spiritual, physical and emotional strength. To put reliance on a religious organization, body of elders, governing body or self appointed "slave class" that restricts her from spiritual, emotional or physical relations with her "head", her husband, is spiritual fornication. This in turn, gives the husband the scriptural right to divorce his wife, as God divorced his wife, the nation of Israel.
This standard is for the husband as well. He must "treat his wife as his own flesh." Certainly he will fall short of this at times, just as the wife will fall short of her subjection at times. However, each spouse must willing submit themselves to God's standards of headship and work together as "one flesh." For a husband to neglect his wife, and children, due to the advice, reliance or pressure from a man's religious organization, is to commit spiritual fornication, allowing the wife to scripturally divorce her husband.
Apostle Paul's Words
Apostle Paul's words at Romans 7:1-3 bring out, that when a person dies, the law no longer holds him in it's power. For example, when a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, she is no longer bound to him; the laws of marriage no longer apply to her. Then she can marry someone else if she wants to. That would be wrong while he was alive, but it is perfectly all right after he dies." Now that the brothers have died, as it were, with Christ on the cross and are now dead to the Law, they are no longer "married" to their "husband", the Mosaic Law. So as a general rule, there is to be no divorce and remarriage while either spouse is still alive. But is this a blanket command, towards all persons, that cannot be broken under any circumstance? (Romans 7:1-6)
Not Apostle Paul's Advice - But God's Command
For: Two Christians Already Married
"To those already married (both Christians), my command , or rather the Lord's command, is that the wife should not leave her husband. But if she is separated from him she should either remain unattached or else be reconciled to her husband. A husband is not, in similar circumstances, to divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7: 10-11 (Phillips MT)
Paul's Advice - Not God's Command
For: Marriages With An Unbeliever
"To other people my advice (though this is not a divine command) is this. For a brother who has a non-Christian wife who is willing to live with him he should not divorce her. A wife in a similar position should not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is, in a sense, consecrated by being joined to the person of his wife; the unbelieving wife is similarly consecrated by the Christian brother she has married. If this were not so then your children would bear the stains of paganism, were as they are actually consecrated to God.
But if the unbelieving partner decides to separate, then let there be a separation (divorce). The Christian partner need not consider himself bound in such cases. Yet God has called us to live in peace, and after all how can you, who are a wife, know whether you will be able to save your husband or not? And the same applies to you who are a husband. - 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (Phillips MT)
The Main Point
"I merely add to the above that each man should live his life with the gifts that God has given him and in the condition in which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the Churches" - 1 Corinthians 7:17 (Phillips MT)
The Context of Paul's Words
In the context of instruction on marriage, singleness, and remarriage, Paul says to the Corinthians, "And this I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you" - 1 Corinthians 7: 35
From Paul's words at 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, where he insists that the believing spouse should not depart, the context shows that this only applies to two married Christians. If one of the spouses were in a different religion or sect/cult, then divorce is permissible according to Paul's further words at 1 Corinthians 7:12-16.
Notice, that if one of the spouses were to follow a body of elders, governing body or "slave class" of men, who instruct this spouse to "separate" spiritually or physically from the other spouse because they interpret that spouse as an unbeliever, when in reality he or she is not, then they are the ones who have caused the separation. Now since this spouse has separated, either physically or spiritually, from the other because of following a man's religious organization's instructions, the other spouse is "not bound" and is allowed to divorce, according to Apostle Paul's words above.
Anotherwards, if a wife were to separate, either physically or spiritually, following the headship of the Watchtower or another church organization's instructions, she has separated from her husband's headship, thus freeing her husband from being "bound", "calling him to peace", permitting him to divorce her.
The point is, there are different circumstances in each marriage and Paul states, "each one must walk as God has called him." A blanket, legalistic command is not what Paul conveys, but rather a thought provoking argument for both spouses to reason on, making the decision to separate or divorce only as a last possible alternative.
Marriage, Divorce and The Appointment of Overseerers
In regards the subject of divorce and remarriage of Christians, Paul's above words, along with the stated requirements and qualifications for elders of the Christian congregation, in 1 Timothy chapter 3, are believed by some to be, that Paul prohibits a remarried, divorced man from the office of overseer because of the potentially embarrassing situations his ex-wife (or ex-wives) creates for the elder and the congregation.
The correctness of this interpretation seems impossible to prove one way or the other. "In fact the problem with this interpretation as well as the previous ones is that they create more problems than they solve. The interpretation, married only once in a lifetime, particularly raises a hornet's nest of mind-puzzling theological and marital questions. Regarding the issue of whether or not a divorced or divorced and remarried man (whether the divorce took place before or after the conversion) can become an elder, the New Testament doesn't directly comment. Commentator Philip H. Towner is on target when he writes, "the point is not how often one can be married nor precisely what constitutes a legitimate marriage (that the marriage of the candidate is legitimate is assumed), but rather how one conducts himself in his marriage." (1)
Commentator Alexander Strauch adequately sums up the issue of divorce and the appointment of overseers in the Christian congregation, when he states "What does 1 Timothy say about sexual and marital sins committed before a person's conversion to Christ? What about people who have legally divorced and remarried (assuming the local church allows for such)? What about the forgiveness and restoration of a fallen spiritual leader? These and many other painful and controversial questions are not answered directly here. They must be answered from the whole Scripture's teaching on divorce and remarriage, forgiveness, grace, and restoration, as well as its teaching on leadership example and the full spectrum of elder qualifications.
All deviations from God's standard of marital behavior confuse and perplex us. Sin always confuses, distorts, and divides, so there will always be diverse opinions on questions such as these. This in no way however, diminishes the local church's obligation to face these issues and make wise, scripturally sound decisions. In all these heartbreaking situations, the honor of Jesus' name, faithfulness to His Word, and prayer are the supreme guides." (2)
Mercy Overrides The Sacrifice of Many Laws And Commands
King David
After David escapes from King Saul's attempt to kill him, Saul's son, Jonathan secretly meets David to see if he can help him. David hides in in a field and Jonathan arranges a secret code of shooting arrows and a boy to fetch them, thus meaning whether David should flee or return to Jerusalem. After speaking with his father in David's behalf, all to no avail, Jonathan meets David and informs him of his father's serious intentions to kill him.
David, the annointed king of Israel, now goes to the city of Nob and enter the tabernacle to see Abimelech, the priest. David and his comrades then lie about their mission and asks for five loaves of consecrated (holy) that only the priests can eat, but no others. But since there was no other food available, the priest gave him the holy bread, that is the "bread of the Presence that was placed before the Lord in the Tabernacle", despite the restriction of Leviticus 24:5-9. It is also likely that this event further broke the law by taking place on the Sabbath since the consecrated bread had just been changed. (Each Sabbath twelve fresh loaves replaced the former ones) (1 Sam chapters 20, 21)
What importance is this? According to the Mosaic law code, this holy bread was strictly reserved for the priests, the sons of Aaron, and no one else. Yet because of the circumstances of David, it was allowed. The law was broken and it was allowed. Mercy overrode sacrifice. (Lev 24:5-8)
Technically, the priests broke the Law every Sabbath by performing their tasks, but no one regarded them as Sabbath breakers. The nature of their work as God's worship leaders demanded that they violate Sabbath laws. There are, therefore, valid reasons to "violate" Sabbath rules. Thus today's police officers become "law breakers" when they run red lights in order to carry out their duties and protect people from harm. (3)
Jesus Christ and His Disciples
As Jesus and his disciples went through the grain fields on the Sabbath, they became hungry and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. But the Pharisees, who saw this, said to Jesus, "Look, your disciples are doing what is NOT lawful to do on the Sabbath (According to Exodus 20:10; 31:15; 12:16; Deu 23:25) But Jesus then quoted from the book of 1 Samuel, how King David and his men did what was NOT lawful, by eating the holy bread reserved only for the priests. Again in this situation, mercy overrode the sacrifice of laws and commands. (Matt 12:1-8; 1 Sam 21:1-6)
On another occasion, a woman with a blood flow entered a public place with the crowds of people seeking healing from Jesus. Under the Mosaic law, a woman with a menstrual blood flow was considered unclean and forbidden to enter the camp. The penalty for violating this could mean death. However, not only did Jesus not punish this woman for her breaking God's command, but instead healed her 12 year blood flow and commended her faith. Again it was mercy, that completely overrode the commandment of God, due to the circumstances involved. (Matt 9:19-22; Luke 8:42-48; Lev 15:25-33)
There are other accounts of the breaking of God's legal commands because of the circumstances that require mercy, such as Jesus healing a Gentile woman's daughter, when he was specifically sent only to preach and heal the Jews. The touching and healing of lepers who approached him in a public area without keeping a far distance and calling out "unclean, unclean." Mercy always overrides sacrifice. (Matt 9:13; Hosea 6:6; Luke 5:12-14; Lev 13:45-46; Matt 15:22-28)
Summary
These above examples are only a fraction of the thousands of laws, rules and regulations that were directly broken by God's people and were approved by God. Even murder ! (As with the case of the priest Phinehas, who went, with God's approval, inside one of the Israelites tent and stabbed both an Israelite man and Moabite woman in the genitals, putting them to death, ending a deadly scourge that God sent on Israel for their immorality - Numbers 25:7-9) The point is: rules are made to be broken when love and mercy are concerned. Unless God directly speaks and commands to show no mercy to an individual, nation or group of persons, then "mercy and love are what God wants, not sacrifice."
This same principle applies to God's commands on marriage and divorce. Each marriage has it's own circumstances. There are many different factors that require God's mercy to override his commands of remaining married or attempting reconciliation as the only alternative. To put the restrictions of no divorce, except physical fornication, on each and every case of marriage without carefully weighing the individual circumstances, is to put the sacrifice of legal requirements over mercy and ahead of God's loving kindness.
It is as looking at the trees without seeing the forest, the whole picture and grand scheme of God's plan and dealing with man. Legalism blinds persons from seeing the whole picture, preventing discernment of the spirit that is behind the laws, thus the laws become the religion rather than God. (Isaiah 29:9-14; Matt 15:1-14; Luke 6:39)
As Hosea noted, the Israelites were performing many of God's commands, performing sacrifices and following his laws, however they lacked insight on the big picture. They worshiped the sacrifices, commands, legal requirements and religion itself, but not the person God, who is a "God of love." Their sacrifices were worthless, because they lacked "loving kindness." Instead along with their sacrifices, "they were practicers of what was harmful." Certainly this included emotional and spiritual unkindness as well as physical. And for this they were divorced by God. (Hosea 6:4-7; Matt 9:13)
Footnotes:
(1) Philip H. Towner, The Goal of Our Instruction: The Structure of .....Theology and Ethics in the Pastoral Epistles, Journal for the Study of the .....New Testament Supplement Series 34 (Sheffield: JOST Press, 1989), p. .....232
(2) Alexander Strauch, Biblical Eldership: an urgent call to restore biblical .....church leadership (Lewis and Roth Publishers), pgs. 192-193
(3) Tom Hovestol, Seeing Ourselves in the Pharisees Extreme ......Righteousness (Moody Press) , pg 127
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[Sex and Marriage Before The Law]
By M. Sharman
(edited)
When Jesus was asked about relations between married couples, He looked to the first book of the Bible -- Genesis. Genesis is sometimes called the "foundational book", and all the major doctrines of the Bible, from creation to salvation stem from it. Accordingly, we also will look to Genesis to learn about God's timeless teachings on the subject of sex and marriage.
In the beginning, after God had made the man -- Adam, we read the following passage:
"So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called "woman", for she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." (Gen 2:20-25)
This is just the first of many passages from the Bible on the subject of sex -- and part of it is exactly what Jesus quoted when He was asked about marriage and divorce. In this passage, we read of Eve being created and brought to Adam to become his helper. There is talk of man leaving his parents (becoming the head of a new household) and being united to woman, becoming one flesh. Thereafter it is accepted that Adam and Eve are married -- both naked and open before each other -- yet without shame.[1]
After God had created the man and the woman -- male and female -- in His image (Gen 1:26-27), "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it ...'" -- Gen 1:28.
The Bible holds very high regard for procreation, which is seen as one of the major reasons for sex. However, having babies wasn't the only reason for humans to have sex! Sex took away man's loneliness and offered humans the ability to experience wonderfully close relationships with one another. Here though, in Genesis 1:28, sex for procreation was commanded! Of course people obeyed God in this matter -- they married and were fruitful, and they subdued the earth.
Sex and marriage were an integral part of human life right from the very beginning, and were around even before the first sin! Sex is neither sinful nor shameful -- in fact, God created us as sexual beings!
God designed people to be married. And sex and marriage, like all of creation was very good. But God didn't want us to have sex with more than one person. It was normal and right to have sex with only one. There are a number of places where we can see these things.
Firstly, in Gen 4:25, we read "Adam lay with his wife again ..." We know that this wife was Eve, because in the same verse she says "God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him." Eve was still Adam's only wife -- even after 130 years!
Secondly, there is no distinction in the Hebrew language [2] between the words "woman" and "wife". Where we read "... the man and his wife were both naked ..." (Gen 2:25), the original text only says "...the man and his woman were both naked..." [3] Likewise, when we read "... Adam lay with his wife again ...", the original text only says "... Adam lay with his woman again ..." Men had women, and every woman that a man had sex with was his woman -- rendered in English, "his wife".
Today, if we heard that a certain man had one wife, we would not understand that to mean that he had only ever had sex with one woman. However, in biblical times, a man having "one wife" was a man who had only ever had sex with one woman. Adam is just one of hundreds of biblical examples of men who only had one wife -- who had only ever had sex with one woman.
A third reason why we can believe that people had sex with one person only for life is found in genealogy lists. The Bible includes a great many of these lists, right down to the time of Jesus. In this very first part of Genesis, chapter five includes the list of names of eleven generations of Adam's descendants. And as with all of the genealogy lists found in the Bible, this list is a list of fathers and sons. Whilst wives/mothers/daughters are occasionally mentioned, the lists of names are all male! If the women living in biblical times had had more than one male sexual partner, then there would be disputes as to the fathers of sons. However, there seems to be no dispute -- and the only reason for this would be that women had only had sex with one partner.
After we read the creation accounts, and then the story of the first sin, chapters four and five of Genesis relate to us the names of eleven generations of people who lived after Adam. It is interesting to note that besides Cain, only one of Adam's descendents in the first eleven generations was a murderer. This man's name was Lamech. And not only was this Lamech a murderer -- the Bible tells us that he also was the only man in the first eleven generations of humanity to have married more than one woman (Gen 4:19). (He was an ungodly man -- marrying more than once and murdering?)
Among the eleventh generation after Adam were Noah's sons, and chapters six to nine of Genesis tell the story of Noah and the flood. As we read the first part of this story, we wonder what sins humans had committed for God to have decided to flood the entire earth? The first part of Genesis six strongly suggests that the sin had to do with too much sex: "... the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose ..." (verse 2). A little later in Genesis 6:11-12 we read that "... the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence."
The earth was corrupt and filled with violence, yet Matt 24:38 and Luke 17:27, both describe the time saying "... people were eating and drinking, marrying and being given in marriage ..." Both this, and the verse that says: "... they married any of them they chose ..." suggest that amongst the many sins abounding in the time of Noah, people of the earth had forgotten that they were to be married to one partner only. Instead, they were "marrying" many partners -- any whom they chose.
It is also interesting here that we are told that Noah -- the only man who found favor in the eyes of the Lord -- and his sons had only one wife (one woman) each (Gen 6:8-9, 18).
Yet, after the flood, God tells Noah to "be fruitful and increase in number" three times (Gen 8:17, 9:1, 7), so sex in itself was obviously not an evil sin -- only its abuse and misuse. When God wanted the people to "be fruitful and increase in number", He meant with one partner only!
In the years after the flood, sexual monogamy was very much respected. This is most clearly seen in a passage in Genesis 12:10-20. Here, we find Abram and his wife Sarai who had traveled down to Egypt. Abram was scared to tell the Egyptians that Sarai was his wife because she was very beautiful, and he thought they would want to kill him so that they could have her (they would not have sex with her whilst her husband was alive). In his fear, Abram told the Egyptians that Sarai was his sister.
"But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. 'What have you done to me?' he said. 'Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, 'She is my sister', so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!' Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had." (Gen 12:17-20 NKJ)
Even amongst those of foreign cultures -- such as this Egyptian Pharaoh -- sex and marriage were recognized to be sacred. Pharaoh would not have sex with a married woman -- and that is exactly what he wanted to do -- he wanted to have sex with the beautiful Sarai. Yet the Bible says that he was to take her as his wife! Just having sex with her would have united Pharaoh and Sarai in marriage. This will be shown more clearly as the book progresses.
And again, in this next part of Genesis we see more genealogy lists. Genesis chapter ten is devoted to recording the names and clans of Noah's sons who became fathers to four generations after Noah. And chapter eleven records the names of the line from Noah's son Shem down to Abram -- ten generations -- fathers and sons. People knew exactly who their father was - long before such things as paternity tests had been invented!
The early chapters of Genesis -- along with the rest of the Bible -- clearly teach that couples who had had sex with one another were to stay together as married for life. Sexual promiscuity was not acceptable to God, and that was one reason why God had already destroyed the world in a flood.
Then, in one part of the world, in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, it seemed that people became indifferent to this fact again. We all know that the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed by burning sulfur. Where can we find out why they were destroyed? Firstly, in Gen 13:13 we read that "the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the LORD." Then Jude 1:7 in the New Testament explains what these sins were. We read that "... Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion."
Lot was the only man saved out of Sodom because he had been the only righteous man who lived there. It is interesting to note firstly that Lot had only had one wife (one woman) (Gen 19:15-16). And secondly, Lot was the only man considered to be righteous. Yet, he had offered his two virgin daughters to the Sodomites, so that they could do what they liked with them!
"Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom -- both young and old -- surrounded the house. They called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.' Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, 'No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.'" (Gen 19:4-8 emphasis mine)
Women were allowed to have one sexual partner. In offering his virgin daughters to the men, Lot was not doing anything particularly wrong. A man could have had sex with one of Lot's daughters, and if he then kept her as his wife, this would not have been wrong. The men however, obviously had other ideas, so, luckily for the girls, the angels who had come to Lot's house struck the men of Sodom blind (Gen 19:11) and they left the house. In a later chapter we will get back to the story of the future of Lot and his daughters.
As we continue to follow Genesis, we come back to the story of Abram's life. His life illustrates to us many things, including the fact that not only are we to have one sexual partner only for life -- but that we should choose carefully who this partner will be.
Abram's wife Sarai is the very first woman recorded in the Bible to be childless. We don't know why this is so, but perhaps it was as a punishment to Abram for marrying a woman who was his half-sister. Because, although Abram probably didn't know it, marrying a half-sister was something against the law of God (Lev 18:6, 9, 11), and often, these types of marriages were not blessed with children (cf. Lev 20:20-21). By the time of Abram, there would have been many women from whom to choose a wife, without Abram having to choose a half-sister.
Anyway, in Genesis 15, we see Abram calling out to God in pain because of his childlessness. Yet even though his state of childlessness was painful to him, Abram knew it was wrong to take another woman to impregnate. Abram was actually tested to stay with one woman only!
However, Abram failed the test. In Genesis 16, we read of his sin in taking a servant girl -- Hagar -- to give him a child. Not only does this pregnancy cause a major rift between Hagar and Sarai, but God also tells Abram that this child would not be the son from which Abram would receive blessing.[4] Eventually though, Abram was blessed through a son born to him by Sarai when he was a hundred years old! (Gen 21:2-5)
When Abram failed the test and had sex with the servant girl, Hagar, so that he would have a child, we see that Hagar became Abram's wife! From that point on, the Bible never talks about "Abram's wife" again -- because there would be confusion as to which wife was meant. Rather, to ease confusion, God continually specified which wife He was talking about, saying "... your wife Sarah".[5]
It is interesting to note that thus far in Genesis, we have not seen a wedding ceremony.[6] Neither are we taught anywhere that vows are necessary to begin a marriage. Rather, we see that people normally only had one sexual partner, and that their partner was to be their married mate -- the person they stayed with for life. Sure, Abraham (Abram) had two wives -- yet this was seen neither as normal nor pleasant -- he suffered much distress because of it (cf. Gen 21:11-12). Having more than one sexual partner was not good -- and the people who did this were either punished by death (as in the flood and in Sodom and Gomorrah), or they contended with other problems (as in the cases of Lamech the murderer and Abraham).
In Genesis 24, we read about the making of a marriage -- that between Isaac and Rebekah. We read that after Isaac's mother had passed away, Abraham (his father) asked the chief servant in his household to find a wife for Isaac, a woman not from the land they were living in, but a woman from among Abraham's relatives living far away. The chief servant embarked on a long trip. We read that God was with him, and helped him to find Rebekah. Rebekah and her family agreed that she could travel with the servant back to marry Isaac.
"Now Isaac ... went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, 'Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?' 'He is my master', the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death." (Gen 24:62-67)
As with the very first marriage, Rebekah and Isaac were married just by having sex with each other! Although they had both agreed to be married beforehand, there was no wedding, or any type of ceremony or banquet, no church, no priest, no "leaving of parents" (on Isaac's side), not even any human witnesses! Isaac and Rebekah married alone in a tent. Isaac's father had not even seen the girl, nor had he given his blessing! However, once Issac and Rebekah had sex, they were married.
In Genesis 29, we see a similar occurrence. In this passage we weigh up the contrasting values of sex as opposed to weddings. We read here that Jacob was in love with Rachel, the youngest daughter of his Uncle Laban. Jacob had agreed to work for Laban for seven years to get Rachel for his wife. After the seven years Jacob said to Laban,
"'Give me my wife.[7] My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.' So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast.[8] But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her.... When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, 'What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?' Laban replied, 'It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.'" (Gen 29:21-27)
In this story, Jacob had been betrothed to Rachel, and had even had a wedding with her -- yet, we read that as Jacob had had sex with Leah, she became his wife! Neither the betrothal nor the wedding had caused Rachel to be married to Jacob. However, a woman with whom Jacob had never been betrothed to or had a wedding with became his wife just because they had sexual relations.
Some say that Jacob's wedding was in fact with Leah, and that she was veiled at the time so that Jacob did not realize that he was "marrying" the wrong woman. However, if we read the biblical text it clearly says that the feast came first, then, when evening came, Laban gave Leah to Jacob. Clearly, Leah was not given to Jacob until the evening, after the wedding feast that he had had with Rachel.
Christian author Rudolph Brasch agrees that people who had had sex with each other were to remain married. He writes, "In biblical times a specific marriage ritual was unknown. Sex itself was the ceremony. There was no additional vow, no formula, officiant or 'documentation'. The actual sexual union of the man and the woman, making them 'one flesh', was all that was needed."[9]
As we continue examining the biblical teachings on sex, we will see the truth in this -- that sex is extremely important and sacred -- much more important and sacred than what many of us seem to realize. The entire Bible does teach us that if a couple has sex, then they must stay with one another, be the other's companion, caring for and loving one another for life -- ie. be married!
What I mean to say by that is this: Couples who have had sex with one another should stay in married relationship for life -- not that they should specifically have a wedding ceremony, or sign any marriage contracts. As we shall continue to see, there is absolutely no biblical proof whatsoever that weddings or marriage contracts are necessary facets to Godly marriages. Only acceptance and compliance with the obligation of lifelong companionship that sex itself brings, makes a marriage righteous.
EDITOR: Jesus taught His followers to obey the civil authorities whenever such did not result in the breaking of one of God's laws -- PAY BACK CAESAR'S THINGS TO CAESAR -- and marriage laws do not break God's laws, they facilitate such. Some jurisdictions may allow common-law marriage.
... Many of the words we think we understand, such as "marries", "adultery", "fornication" and "divorce" ... have a different biblical meaning then what is commonly accepted. For example, when we hear or read the word "marries", we assume that a wedding ceremony or contract has been effected between two parties. However, in the Bible, this word usually only means "have sex with, and enter into relationship with". ...
Weddings didn't always include a ceremony! They began as celebrations of new marriages - parties that celebrated an end to childhood, and the start of new married life. They celebrated new relatives, the start of a couple running their own household, of prospective parenthood, and of an entire new way of life for the people involved! The first time a person had sex was a momentous occasion -- certainly something to celebrate! ... People knew that a wedding was not what married a couple just as a funeral was not what killed a person! A wedding only marked the marriage in the same way that a funeral only marks death.
Sex nor marriage were viewed as community recreation!
FOOTNOTES:
[1] It is overwhelmingly agreed that here, in Genesis 2:20-25, Adam and Eve did in fact have sex with one another. They were "naked before each other", and this is the term used in many Old Testament passages to describe the sexual act -- for example, in Leviticus 18, the words used to describe prohibited sexual relationships are at times translated as "Do not uncover the nakedness of ..."
[2] The Old Testament of the Bible, including Genesis, was written mainly in Hebrew.
[3] The Hebrew word translated as wife or woman is "ishshah". The New Strongs Exhaustive Concordance (Thomas Nelson Publishers 1990) defines this word as meaning a woman. The KJV translates it as: [adulter] ess, each, every, female, X many, + none, one, + together, wife, or woman.
[4] The blessing I am talking about here is the blessing that God promised Abram in Genesis 12:2-3,7, 13:14-17. This blessing was to come through a child of Abram.
[5] Abram and Sarai's names had respectively been changed to Abraham and Sarah. We see the words "... your wife Sarah ..." in places such as the following: Gen 18:9, 10, 20:2, 23:19, 24:36. Prior to Genesis 16 Abram's wife is unnamed in places such as the following: Gen 12:20, 13:1.
[6] Some researchers believe that the "leaving of parents" mentioned in Gen 2:23 is the ancient equivalent to a wedding ceremony. However, this author believes that the "leaving of parents" more likely refers to the fact that when married, couples are to start new households -- new families -- forsaking their lives dependent on their parents. In any case, in all of the marriages we have seen, there has neither been talk of "leaving of parents", or of any sort of wedding or marriage contract.
[7] Remember that the original Hebrew word here is the same as "woman". The text could read "Give me my woman ..."
[8] This feast was Rachel and Jacob's wedding.
[9] Dr R Brasch "How did sex begin? -- The sense and nonsense of sexual customs and traditions", Collins Australia 1973.